The place to start

It brought me back to presence.

Sometimes I just say whatever I’m thinking.  I don’t consider how it might be perceived or how it might make another person feel. 

I just say it.

Sometimes I say it too loud.

Sometimes I say too much.

Sometimes I give my opinion when no one asked for it. A lot of times.

Sometimes I say things with a certain “tone” that I’ve been told can be intimidating or even condescending.

At the time, I don’t hear myself being loud, or intimidating.  Usually I’m just excited or passionate about an idea and am having a great time sharing it. My ego is having a great time thinking that whatever I have to say is important and interesting.

I got feedback from a friend last week that led me to feel that this quality of my communication had hurt her.  It had left her feeling that her way of seeing things was somehow less-than.     

I felt sad. 

I felt ashamed even.

I never want to hurt someone with the way I am.

I carried it around all day, thinking about how I wish I were a gentler type of person.  

A more sensitive one. 

Then

I shared it with Blake and told him how sometimes I wish I were just not so MUCH.  How I wish I didn’t overwhelm people when I express my ideas.   How I wish I were different in some way. 

And he said, “How can you be anything other than who you are?”

And that was it.

It brought me back to presence.

And acceptance. 

And grace. 

And I felt gentler already.   At least gentler with myself.  And maybe that’s the place to start.

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Scorpion or Egg?

maybe, just maybe…….

there are no scorpions.

“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

Which of you fathers, if your son asks for f a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

I’ve had a strained relationship with this passage for awhile.   When I was young, it seemed simple.  Ask god boldly for what you want and god will give it to you.  At least that’s what they said in church.  But it just didn’t pan out that way in life.  I asked.  I didn’t get it.    I asked for my first marriage to be healed.  A noble request I thought.  Surely an “egg” in the example above.  I got an ugly and messy divorce.  Surely a scorpion.   What was the deal?  Maybe my faith?  Or maybe god?  Maybe the scorpion came from the devil?

Who knew?

Eventually, I just didn’t care.

I spent the next ten years learning how to let go.  Learning to live a life of surrender to whatever god had for me. 

I got way more into “Not my will but thy will be done.”

and “I am the Lord’s servant, may it be unto me as you have said”

I decided that if god was good (and I was bargaining that whatever god was - it was good), this god knew better than I what agenda should play out in my life. I stopped doing much “asking boldly.”

This was a shift that was full of freedom.  I no longer felt rage toward the god who seemed to be handing me scorpions. I no longer felt that I was in some kind of a war game with some sadistic devil. I no longer felt guilt and pressure to be more faithful and more bold in my requests.  I was released from blame and had released god and the devil from blame as well. 

But then, what to do with this story that Jesus hands me about asking and seeking and knocking? 

Maybe – the story had just been presented all wrong.  Maybe it’s not about whether or not this bad thing that happens in my life is god’s fault, or my fault, or some devil’s fault. 

Maybe the story is putting forth that the thing that seems like a scorpion is really an egg. 

If god is everything and everything is god. If god is in all, and through all and over all. Then maybe, just maybe…….

there are no scorpions.

Back to my marriage example.  I prayed for my marriage to survive.  It didn’t.  At the time it felt like a scorpion.  Guess what?  It was an egg.  I ended up with a man who was loving, and fun, and nourishing to my soul.   Just the kind of “egg” I needed. 

Maybe this verse is about trusting that whatever we are handed in life, no matter how poisonous or toxic or deadly it may appear to be is actually going to nourish and feed us in the long run.  That takes a lot of trust, because many, many times the scorpion is really, really huge. And many, many times we don’t see the egg for a really, really long time.

But….

Whether we can see it or not, maybe that “scorpion” is the holy spirit, the divine energy that is moving to make us grow. 

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The Levee

Better to let the soul flow freely

Rivers flood their banks from time to time.  It’s destructive, but it’s the kind of destruction that brings important fertility to the surrounding land.  

People build levees in attempts to keep the river from overflowing its banks and wreaking havoc on the surrounding area, but unfortunately, building walls to try to contain the river, only causes the waters to run faster and more furiously.   The Mississippi river has overflowed its levees over and over again.  The government has supposed that the solution is to simply build bigger and bigger levees.   We tell ourselves that this is a worthwhile endeavor.  Money and time well spent. 

It creates land and spaces where people can live and grow crops and be productive.   We pat ourselves on the back for holding back the destructive flooding of the river and making spaces that are safe and productive. 

Aren’t we advanced and civilized?  Aren’t we powerful?  We can contain the mighty river.

We ignore the fact that the walls themselves give the river even more power.  Now when the river breaks its boundaries, rather than simply flooding unoccupied fields and enriching the soil; there are homes, and cities there.  And what was meant to create order and productivity leads to even greater amounts of destruction.

We are unable to accept what the river is.  The river, by nature will flood its banks.   That’s what rivers do.   To try to contain the river and tame it is to deny what is. 

To deny reality. 

To push our agenda for that space off on the river and off on nature itself.  

We might call this taming nature, but nature cannot be tamed.  Pushing it back will simply create an illusion of control that will break forth with a vengeance, causing even more destruction in the long run.  

The soul is the same. 

When we try to build walls around it, we may deceive ourselves in to thinking we have created space  where we can grow and be productive, but, the soul cannot be contained.  It will eventually overflow the walls we have built.  We might think the solution is to build bigger walls, but there is no end to the endeavor.   There is no wall high enough to contain reality, the reality of who we are.  The reality of our longings and desires.  And if they’ve been held back in such a way, they will burst forth and break down the walls we have built with the greatest of fury.  This kind of overflow won’t bring fertility, it will create more destruction.  Better to let the soul flow freely.  Sure – it will overflow its banks once in awhile. 

It will be messy. 

It will bring all kinds of fertility and new life your way. 

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Grace

Grace makes beauty
out of ugly things

Grace
She takes the blameShe covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace
It's the name for a girl
It's also a thought that
Changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness
In everything
Grace
She's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside
Of karma, karma
She travels outside
Of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty
In everything
Grace
She carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl
In perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because Grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things
Grace finds beauty
In everything
Grace finds goodness in everything

U2

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Womb

Waiting and resting is hard.

In the Hebrew Bible one of the words that is used for Mercy is “Rachamim,” which comes from the root word “rechem,” or womb.

I love this word connection.  The womb is a place of darkness, a place of formation, a place in which we really know nothing but are simply being held and suspended as we wait for birth. 

So many times in life, we have no idea what to do, we are in the dark, suspended, without form and void. These are times when we feel lost, helpless, and out of control.  It is often at these times that we feel compelled to cry out to god, or to something, asking for guidance, illumination or rebirth.   It’s as though god, or the universe, or whatever you call it, has opened up a space for us – a dark space to be sure – but a space all the same.  So often, it’s in these spaces that we are created.   My darkest times are the times in which the most creative things occurred for me.  They are the times in which I was reborn. 

As we wait in these dark spaces for illumination or rebirth, we are in the space, the “womb” of mercy. All we can do simply float along as we are being held and suspended -- as we wait for the birth of what’s next.  Here we are helpless, and are able to simply receive mercy because we have nothing else to bring to the situation.  We are without resources.  We are poor in spirit.  We have thrown our hands up in despair. There is nothing we can do but wait.  Waiting and resting is hard.

Blog image is: "Black Womb" by Piotr Ruszkowski. "

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Loving the “should” demon

nothing will grow in an inhospitable environment.

Recently I was in a day-seminar and the subject of hospitality was discussed.  Not hospitality in the Southern-hospitality sense, with lots of great food, a clean house and a pretty table setting (although that’s fun too).  Hospitality as-in welcoming strangers.  (You might be groaning inwardly, “oh no, are we really going to talk about hospitality?” Fair enough. But hang in there with me.)

The reaction in the room was as you would expect.  Fearful.  Defensive.  Groans (like you might be doing). But the discussion went on, and as you can imagine, the conversation went to a discussion of whether we SHOULD take personal risks when welcoming strangers.  Is it right or wrong to put ourselves and those we love in danger? 

Welcoming strangers sounds nice until you talk about a stranger coming to stay at YOUR house.  Where YOUR things are, YOUR loved ones are. 

Until you are taking a personal risk. 

 I’ve thought about when I’ve opened myself up and when I’ve closed myself down.

 When I was nineteen, I was a house parent to eight emotionally disturbed girls.  Their house became my house - sort of a reverse hospitality, I guess. These were violent girls and I guess they could have hurt me or stolen from me.  It wasn’t that I was more noble than the next guy, I just never considered that.  I was young and naïve mostly. 

I’ve invited a few people who were in need in one way or another to live in my house over the years.  A teenage girl who was being abused by her parents, a single mom who was being abused by her husband, another teenage girl whose mom died suddenly, who wanted to finish out her senior year at her school before moving to another town to life with her uncle.  These were all women and it felt relatively safe to take them in.  I never thought about them stealing from me.  But then again, I didn’t really have anything of value at the time anyway. 

I realized that these opportunities seldom come my way anymore and I wonder why.  Is it because I am not opening myself up to communities that reach out in these ways?  Probably.  My husband and I have talked about taking in refugees, hurricane victims.  He’s not comfortable with it. 

And that’s OK.

I mean, real hospitality can’t be about whether or not we SHOULD take personal risks in welcoming the stranger.  It really can’t be about what’s right and what’s wrong.  When it becomes an act of legalism, we aren’t being hospitable to ourselves.  Hospitality has to start inside. Welcoming the “other” inside ourselves.  Our fear, our reservations, our recoil, our tiredness.  Hospitality has to extend to the people we live with.  Their fears and reservations as well.   If we can’t open ourselves up to the parts of ourselves that we don’t like, or the parts of our loved ones that are different than we are, what makes us think we can open up to persons outside ourselves that we don’t know and might not like?  I feel certain that when we open ourselves up to the other out of some sense of moralistic “should”, the other person can feel that.  They feel like a project or a charity case, they feel put-up-with, or endured, or patronized, not welcomed or loved in the real sense. 

Maybe if we start first with hospitality inside of ourselves.  Then, when we are ready to open ourselves up to the other, it is a genuine act of hospitality. One that comes from a heart that WANTS to bring them in. 

I’ve been thinking about when I’ve opened myself up and when I’ve closed myself down.

I’ve always thought that maybe hospitality was one of my gifts. I can practice hospitality if it means welcoming people into my home, throwing a party, feeding people, getting to know them, listening to their story and sharing my story with them. And yet, I know that I also need more than the average amount of time alone.  I have a pretty big space bubble.   I have a much harder time with hospitality of personal space and the body.  Hugging, touching, being in my SPACE.   At first, as I was thinking about this topic, I thought to myself in my typical “what should I do?” fashion: “I need to open up my space bubble and practice hospitality of my body”.  I tried it.  I wanted to crawl even further away.  I thought this was interesting to observe.

I’ve thought about when I’ve opened myself up and when I’ve closed myself down.

I wondered why body hospitality is different for me, and harder for me than other types.  I thought back to the seminar that day. As we discussed hospitality, it was no surprise that those persons with the most push-back toward hospitality were those who had been taken advantage of, hurt, or someone close to them had been hurt.  One woman’s mother welcomed a stranger into her home and was murdered.  One woman opened her home to a homeless teen and was robbed.   That makes perfect sense.  And it’s the same with the body when it has been intruded upon, taken advantage of, or worse - violated.

In nature, nothing will grow in an inhospitable environment.

Here’s an illustration from nature (because if you know me, you know that biology is my spiritual reference point for most things).   We are in a topsoil crisis in our world today.  Experts estimate that the world could have as few as 60 years of harvests left, due to the fact that we are killing our topsoil.  Deforestation, paving over the soil, and chemicals are some of the ways that we are doing this. Around the world, experts say, about 40 percent of soil used for agriculture is already considered either degraded or seriously degraded, meaning that in this 40 percent at least 70 percent of the topsoil is gone. In total, in the past 150 years, half the topsoil on the planet has been lost.   How is this related to hospitality?  Modern agricultural practices are all about making the environment inhospitable to the enemy.  Weeds, diseases that affect crops, insects.  What we aren’t thinking about is how the practice of making the environment inhospitable to the “enemies” of crops is actually, in the long run going to make the soil – the very thing that we need to grow crops at all – inhospitable.  And then where are we left?   Jesus talked about letting the weeds grow up with the crop.   It’s about grace, and hospitality.  It is a good principle to live by in nature, in our relationships with others and in our relationship with ourselves.

 The more we try to oust the part of us that feels like a threatening stranger, the more we just end up killing the part of us that gives life along with it.  And the same is true with others.  Anytime we force something upon them rather than allowing it to open naturally, we are creating an environment that is inhospitable to the growth of the very thing we are hoping for.  How can we expect anything good to bloom from an inhospitable environment that we’ve created inside ourselves, or inside our homes, with our children, spouse, neighbor, enemy? 

“Shoulds” are just that - inhospitable.

In that light, hospitality is not one of my gifts.  I have drunk deep from the “should” well most of my life.  I have been working for literally YEARS to rid myself of the “should demon” who sits on my shoulder.   And yet, maybe rather than trying to oust the “should demon” I should learn to welcome and be hospitable toward the ‘ol boy.  Give that legalistic asshole some grace for a change.     Grace is hospitality and hospitality is grace.  The opening up to giving the “other” the freedom, and the forgiveness to be a complete asshole – even when that “other” is inside ourselves.  Because here’s the deal:  that asshole inside ourselves robs us and murders us.  It steals and kills our joy, our peace, our relationships, our health.   And yet, if we don’t learn to love it and extend hospitality to it, I’m not sure we can ever extend it to our neighbor, our spouse, our child, our ex-husband or our enemy.

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The word "Sin"

This vision is about creating a new world, one where god’s “will” is done on earth as it is in heaven. 

As I’ve written before, words are problematic.  All words are metaphors for something and it’s the disconnect between your “something” and my “something” that causes the problem.   My first husband “loved” me.  He insisted upon it.  The problem was, his definition of what love was differed tremendously from mine.  So he felt unloved by me and I felt unloved by him.  All the while, we both insisted that we loved one another.  Needless to say, it didn’t work out. 

Today I used the word “sin” in a discussion at church.  Almost immediately afterward I wished I hadn’t.  I feel like the word “sin” is pretty universally used to describe actions that are categorized by one religion or another as prohibited or bad.   I don’t believe there is a list or lists somewhere of bad things we are prohibited from doing called “sins”, so I try not to use the word.  I believe that categories of “bad” and “prohibited” are done away with in the teachings of Christ and that grace makes everything permissible.  

In translating the Bible, scholars translated the word   σάρξ (sarx), which means “flesh” to “sinful nature”. 

I like “flesh” better. 

We are flesh – biological creatures and as such, we have biological instincts.  These instincts are not right or wrong per se, they are not “sin,” they are just the instincts that allowed us to survive.  They are just our flesh - our biology. We have the instinct for sex to reproduce, the instinct for competition for resources, the instinct to fight when we are threatened.  These instincts are seen in all living creatures and are part of their biology; their flesh.   The drives of the “flesh” keep us and all living things alive.  That certainly seems OK to me.  It certainly seems permissible. 

And while certainly permissible, we all know that these instincts are often not beneficial.  Competition for resources, the instinct to fight, and the sexual drive can lead to violence, exploitation, war, poverty, and so much more. 

The teachings of Christ ask us to resist our biological nature in many cases in favor of a spiritual nature that goes against the biology of survival.  Turning the other cheek, loving your enemy and allowing oneself to be crucified do not lend themselves to your immediate survival.   They do, however, lead to the evolution of the consciousness of the human race. They move the world toward love and peace, which ultimately lead to survival in an entirely different way.   They lead to a world where resources are protected, shared and nourished rather than fought over.  They lead to a world where the weak are not exploited and power is not the way to lead.  They lead to a world where violence is not met with violence. 

They lead to life that is not just survival, but is truly life and life to the full.   This vision is not about right and wrong, it’s not about sin or purity or any other religious legalism.  This vision is about creating a new world, one where god’s “will” is done on earth as it is in heaven. 

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Mottoes - Part 4 "You can be anything you want to be"

...we miss both our own humanity and the humanity of others.  And we will miss the chance to extend grace.

My parents gave me and my siblings this motto so that we would feel confident and feel like the sky was the limit.  I gave it to my kids too.   If you can dream it, you can do it.  It’s the proverbial American dream.

The trouble with this motto is that it’s just not true.   It’s more true for some and less true for others, but it’s never wholly true for anyone.  I am a white, upper-middle class female.  My parents were college educated and gave me a college education.   I had more chance of this motto being true than most.

but still …. 

This motto tells us there are no limits, but no matter how much positive thinking we do, or how much faith we muster, no matter how much good energy we send into the universe, or how hard we work, there are limits.   

Financial limits, social limits, intellectual limits, physical limits. 

Limitations are important to acknowledge.  Limitations are the things in our lives that, if we pay attention, will teach us who we are.  They will teach us that we are human and do not have ultimate control.  Control is what this motto can become all about.  If we believe the motto that we can be whatever we want to be, and we don’t temper it with a healthy dose of reality, we can feel as though we are in control of our outcomes.  This type of control leads to blame.  We assign blame to ourselves and to others if our goals and expectations are not met.  Maybe we didn’t work hard enough, believe it enough, or stick with it long enough.  Maybe others didn’t either.  It allows us to take a short-cut and not really get to know ourselves or others.  Who are we really?  Where did we come from?  Where are we going?  What kinds of issues are we dealing with?  Without getting to know ourselves and others, we reduce the person to a formula rather than an individual.  The person becomes someone who just didn’t put forth the appropriate amount or type of effort, or didn’t have the right mentality, or faith or stamina.  And so, we miss both our own humanity and the humanity of others.  And we will miss the chance to extend grace.  Maybe the person who falls behind in school has a learning disability, or the person who has poor work attendance has a mental or physical illness.  Maybe that person who has put on weight is taking care of a disabled child and doesn’t have time to exercise, or maybe the person who can’t pay their rent lost their job and their savings paying for medical treatments.    

But sometimes it feels better to maintain the illusion of control.  We can get caught in the trap of working so hard to preserve the dream, that we don’t live the life we were meant to live.   The continued resolve to put forth more effort or believe more in order to gain the greener grass is the best distraction from doing the things we really CAN do and living our lives in the present. 

When my son was two or three, we were driving and he began to cry suddenly and inconsolably from his car seat in the back.  I asked him what was wrong and he said, “I’ll NEVER be a bird!!!”  I was confused at first, then realized that he had just realized that the "you can be anything you want to be" narrative I had given him just was not true.  No matter how hard he tried in life, he would never be a bird;

he would always be a human

But human is nice.  

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Mottoes - part 3 "It can always be better"

The myth of enough is a gaping hole, consuming, eating away at all the good stuff and leaving behind the bones of discontent. 

I grew up raised by a football coach father with many wonderful qualities.  He loves his children and was a strong and reliable presence for us.  He is a man of strong will.  He is a man who pulled himself up by the bootstraps and who wanted to pass along to his children the wisdom that had allowed him to rise above his abusive upbringing by an alcoholic father and mentally ill mother. 

 One of the mottos he passed along was:

 “No matter how good a thing is, it can always be better.”   

 The problem with this life motto like is that it is true.

-no matter how good this relationship is, it could always improve

-no matter how thin I am, I could always be thinner

-no matter how I parent my children, I could always have done it better

-no matter how much I give, I can always give more

- no matter how good that meal was, I could have cooked the meat just five minutes less, or five minutes longer.

-no matter how lovely my home is, it can always be nicer, cleaner, more artful

-no matter how much I get done, I could have done more

-no matter how much I relaxed, I should have relaxed more

-no matter how spiritual I am, I could always go deeper

-no matter how good sex is, it can always be better

-no matter how well I’m doing at work, I can always achieve more

-no matter how good my job is, there’s likely something I love more,  that is more meaningful, more interesting, more fulfilling, or pays better

All true

All irrelevant. 

Nothing is ever good enough, perfect enough.  It can always be better.     YEP.

The myth of enough is a gaping hole, consuming, eating away at all the good stuff and leaving behind the bones of discontent.  It is the mouth with an insatiable appetite for more, More, MORE, MORE, MORE

How exhausting it is. 

Matthew 19:13-26 tells a story that contrasts the children to a rich man.

Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”  When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.

Children have no achievements with which to justify themselves.  Children don’t have it all “figured out” yet.  They are wonderfully unformed and unfinished.  They don’t know they are not perfect, because  perfect is not even on their radar yet.  And it is this very quality that makes them perfect.

Good and bad don’t enter their mind until society teaches them to judge and categorize and criticize.    They proudly display their imperfect crayon drawings on the refrigerator, they rejoice in the imperfect cakes they bake, they don’t even notice the messes they make, they think the off-key song they sing is beautiful and the uncoordinated dance they dance is wonderful.   They believe they are the most amazing person on the face of the earth and everything they create is beautiful – until someone tells them otherwise

Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”

“Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”

“Which ones?” he inquired.

Jesus replied, “ ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,’and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’”

“All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”

The rich man on the other hand thought he had it figured out.  He knew who was “good” (Jesus) and had pretty much achieved perfection as his religion defined it.   He had obeyed all the commandments. 

Jesus confronted his idea of goodness and perfection: 

GOODNESS

“Why do you ask me about what is good?”   Well, because you’re JESUS.   I mean if we can’t ask Jesus about what is good, then what hope is there?  How can we know what is good and what isn’t if we can’t ask Jesus himself!!!

“There is only one who is good” Jesus seems to be saying here – look, don’t be fooled, there is nothing you can do to achieve goodness.  No special knowledge I can give you that will help you to figure it all out.  Goodness  isn’t the goal. 

Then Jesus says, “If you want to enter LIFE, obey the commandments”.   

Notice he does NOT say, “if you want to be GOOD, obey the commandments. “ 

Moral and religious perfection, even if it could be achieved (which it cannot), does not make us GOOD.  It can help us to enter a way of life that is life-giving rather than destructive.  It cannot make us good.

PERFECTION

“Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.””

Jesus is showing here that perfection cannot be attained.  No matter how much we do – even if we do everything we think God has asked of us, we can always do more.  It’s never enough.   The richer we are – the more we have and the more we have it figured out – the harder it becomes. 

“Who then can be saved?”

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

I always read this wrong.  At first, I thought it was telling me that God would miraculously give me the strength to achieve goodness and perfection, then I thought it meant that I was part of a special forgiven group that were made good and perfect through God's forgiveness.  But now I believe that what it means is that God’s way out of this trap is Grace.  Not forgiveness, but Grace - we usually think the two are synonymous.  I'm talking about a grace that says no one is good and there is nothing you have to do.  Perfection isn’t attainable.  I'm talking about a grace that says we are already OK.  Already perfect in our imperfection.

In the Garden of Eden story the serpent comes to the woman and tells her that she is not good enough, not yet perfect.  She needs this special knowledge of good and evil and if she gets it she will be better than she is now.  She will be “like God” – perfect.  If only she could know what was good/what was evil/who was good/who was evil, perfection would be attainable!!! 

She falls for it.

We all fall for it.  

We fall from grace.

Grace is the state under which no one is good but God, and there is nothing you have to do.  Perfection isn’t even on the radar.

Peter Rollins in  “A Satanic Community”, calls any community that tells us we have to be something else or get somewhere else is a satanic community and is in league with “the devil.” Not satanic as in a literal dude with horns and a pitchfork.  Not satanic as in a literal snake in a tree.  Not satanic in any literal “being” sense.  But satanic in the sense that it is a voice of deception that leads you to a place of self-destructiveness and other-destructiveness.  Satanic in the sense that it leads you away from life and creativity. 

Wow. Think about church and what you’ve been told in church!

The spiritual task is to exorcise this voice and the  technology we use to exercise this voice is Grace.  Grace is the idea that you’re accepted as-is.  To experience Grace is to experience the idea that you are accepted for who you are and to accept this acceptance.  It isn’t about saying we will give you a second chance to get to your ideal.  It’s about saying there is no ideal you need to get to – you’re fine the way you are.  Or rather, you’re not fine the way you are and that’s OK. 

Ironically, it’s actually the experience of not having to strive for some ideal that helps transformation take place.  It’s like quicksand, the more me move and the more we strive, the deeper we sink.  It’s only when we stop that we stop sinking.  It’s THEN that transformation happens. 

In the state of grace, the motto changes from

“no matter how good a thing is, it can always be better”

to

“don’t try to move from grace in order to perfect yourself”

Under Grace we are already OK.

Perfect in our imperfection.

No improvement required.

As –is

Enough.

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Authenticity and Wholeness

No one has it right.

Recently, I heard the remark that many who are leaving evangelical, fundamentalist religion are leaving because today’s generations are looking for more authentic spirituality than former generations.  They are looking for “wholeness rather than holiness.” 

When we use words like “holiness”, we may think that what we mean is obvious and universal.  It’s important to remember that every word is a metaphor and every one of us means something unique – even though we think we are saying the same thing.  

That being said, even with the variation that certainly exists between persons when we use the word “holiness”, it is more than likely a state that just doesn’t exist.   So from that perspective, I can get on board with the notion that it’s a vain pursuit.  

But what about authenticity and wholeness?

Authenticity

I grew up in a very legalistic, but lifeless church tradition - the Church of Christ.  No hand-raising, no clapping, no “amens” from the crowd, DEFINITELY no speaking in tongues or healings – heaven forbid!!!   So, as a young adult, I left to go to a more evangelical church.  It seemed like forward movement.  It seemed more “authentic.”

This new thing I was involved in was full of life and spirit.  People were putting their money where their mouth was.  No more dry, hypocritical lip service to following Jesus.  This was real! People actually sold possessions and goods and gave to those in need like in Acts chapter 2.  There were miracles and healings!!  The spirit was moving!! 

It was Authentic!!

But as time went on, the underbelly was exposed.  It wasn’t as pure and authentic as I had originally supposed.   I moved on to the next, more-authentic thing.  But it wasn’t.  And the next thing wasn’t. …and the next thing…and the next. 

I’m 53.  I am at that age where I can look back and see that many, many things I did seemed authentic, enlightened, and WHOLE at the time, but were in fact, still lacking in many ways. 

Many, MANY things. 

In fact …..  all things.  

And that’s OK.  That’s the journey.  Every step we take in life contains something good and something lacking.  Every move we make is a move away from something and toward something else, only to find out what is missing with this new place.  And hopefully, we move one step further.    We never arrive at this so-called authenticity.

In fact, what’s actually authentic is the fact that everything we do is lacking. 

EVERYTHING

Wholeness

Wholeness is not an individual endeavor.  I cannot be whole and be separate from my fellow man.  Your pain is my pain.  Your joy is my joy.  Your mistakes are my mistakes.  Your victories are mine as well.  We are one body. 

Much of the new progressive, emerging church is getting this right where the marginalized are concerned.  Churches and non-church communities are opening and welcoming the outcast, the LGBTQ community, the racially and socio-economically marginalized, the foreigner, the refugee, and other religions. 

But what about those abusive evangelicals?  The conservatives?  The group(s) the new progressives have left behind?  What about them? Do we continue our welcome to even them?  Those that we deemed unworthy and inferior as we moved on to our more whole and authentic place?

Are we just building a new and in-our-opinion-improved wall?  Rather than shutting out and judging the marginalized and the downtrodden, are we simply changing the drapes to shut out and judge the religious and the conservatives.  

“Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.”

Right?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve cast my fair share of stones.

Over and over.

It’s human nature.  We NEED that stone-throwing energy to break away and process.  I don’t know about you, but I needed it to break away from the church I grew up in.  I needed it to break away from an emotionally abusive husband.  Without that sense of outrage and indignation, we might just stay stuck.   But once we have left and moved on, let’s not forget the next step.  Forgiveness.  Love. 

Wholeness. 

Remember that when we speak of wholeness, we are not whole until we learn to love everyone.  We have to take down the walls that separate us from not only the marginalized, the oppressed, the sinner, BUT ALSO the obnoxious, the judgmental, the misguided, the religious and the bigot.  

Loving your enemy isn’t easy.

So, don’t kid yourself into thinking you’ve finally got it right and are doing something authentic and whole.

 No one has it right.

Real authenticity and wholeness is the acknowledgement that we are no more authentic and whole than anyone else out there.  We are all imperfect and just muddling through.  We are all one body.  The hand can’t say to the foot ‘I don’t need you’. 

“Let him to thinks he stands, take heed lest he fall.” 

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