It brought me back to presence.
Sometimes I just say whatever I’m thinking. I don’t consider how it might be perceived or how it might make another person feel.
I just say it.
Sometimes I say it too loud.
Sometimes I say too much.
Sometimes I give my opinion when no one asked for it. A lot of times.
Sometimes I say things with a certain “tone” that I’ve been told can be intimidating or even condescending.
At the time, I don’t hear myself being loud, or intimidating. Usually I’m just excited or passionate about an idea and am having a great time sharing it. My ego is having a great time thinking that whatever I have to say is important and interesting.
I got feedback from a friend last week that led me to feel that this quality of my communication had hurt her. It had left her feeling that her way of seeing things was somehow less-than.
I felt sad.
I felt ashamed even.
I never want to hurt someone with the way I am.
I carried it around all day, thinking about how I wish I were a gentler type of person.
A more sensitive one.
Then
I shared it with Blake and told him how sometimes I wish I were just not so MUCH. How I wish I didn’t overwhelm people when I express my ideas. How I wish I were different in some way.
And he said, “How can you be anything other than who you are?”
And that was it.
It brought me back to presence.
And acceptance.
And grace.
And I felt gentler already. At least gentler with myself. And maybe that’s the place to start.
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