Desire and Uncertainty are the fire that keeps life burning
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I knew a man who, after his retirement said, “I’ve done everything in life I ever wanted to do,” and I knew a woman who, at 101 years old said she wasn’t ready to die because she still had so many things she wanted to do.
I considered the man a lucky man and the woman’s situation a sad one.
Neither the man nor the woman were doing anything particularly enviable with their lives.
The man had a good life, a nice home, a devoted wife, children, and grandchildren. He had traveled and had the career or his dreams. Most days, he sat at watched TV in his recliner. Some would say he had lived the ultimate life and was enjoying his retirement.
The woman was a widow living alone in her home. She had been an abusive and judgmental mother and had driven wedges in her relationships. She was a hoarder, and her house was filled with trash and she would let no one in to visit.
And yet … the man no longer had anything he desired, and the woman did.
Life is made up not just of what we have and what we have achieved, but of what we desire.
Peter Rollins tells a story about a compulsive gambler who died. When he was in eternity, he found himself in a casino at the craps table. Winning. Every time he played, he won. Over and over. After some time, he began to be a bit bored with the whole thing, all the uncertainty and risk seemed to be gone and he knew he would win this time and the next. He said to the dealer, “who knew heaven would be a craps table and I would win every single game!” The dealer replied, “what makes you think this is heaven?”
Look at the things you don’t have, the house you don’t have, the children not yet born, the flaws in your partner and yourself as the very things that create life. These are the things that give us something to strive for, something to look forward to. It is desire and uncertainty that are the fire that keeps life burning.