My heart rises in my throat and I think I might just choke on the sadness of it.
These past months I’ve waxed philosophical about death and how it’s bound up in life.
I’ve thought about evil and how it’s bound up in good.
I’ve stood with my arms firmly planted on my hips in the face of suffering and declared that it’s often just a story I am telling myself and I could tell a different one.
I’ve tried to be all zen about the mess of life, and the tragedy of watching my parents pass away in front of my eyes, little by little, bit by bit.
Most of the time, I’ve been dry-eyed.
All cerebral and philosophical.
And then I read a story about a mother dolphin in New Zealand who is grieving over her stillborn baby and is carrying the body of a her dead calf on her back through the waters for days and days unable to let it go.
And my heart rises in my throat and I think I might just choke on the sadness of it. That mother dolphin. Who can’t get all philosophical about her suffering. All she can do is experience it. And she carries it for days and days.
I’m haunted by her and I can’t breathe. So I push her away because I’m not as courageous as she is. I can’t hold on to it like she can. I have to let it slip into the depths so that I don’t.
https://people.com/pets/mourning-mother-dolphin-carries-dead-baby-for-days/
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