The myth of enough is a gaping hole, consuming, eating away at all the good stuff and leaving behind the bones of discontent.
I grew up raised by a football coach father with many wonderful qualities. He loves his children and was a strong and reliable presence for us. He is a man of strong will. He is a man who pulled himself up by the bootstraps and who wanted to pass along to his children the wisdom that had allowed him to rise above his abusive upbringing by an alcoholic father and mentally ill mother.
One of the mottos he passed along was:
“No matter how good a thing is, it can always be better.”
The problem with this life motto like is that it is true.
-no matter how good this relationship is, it could always improve
-no matter how thin I am, I could always be thinner
-no matter how I parent my children, I could always have done it better
-no matter how much I give, I can always give more
- no matter how good that meal was, I could have cooked the meat just five minutes less, or five minutes longer.
-no matter how lovely my home is, it can always be nicer, cleaner, more artful
-no matter how much I get done, I could have done more
-no matter how much I relaxed, I should have relaxed more
-no matter how spiritual I am, I could always go deeper
-no matter how good sex is, it can always be better
-no matter how well I’m doing at work, I can always achieve more
-no matter how good my job is, there’s likely something I love more, that is more meaningful, more interesting, more fulfilling, or pays better
All true
All irrelevant.
Nothing is ever good enough, perfect enough. It can always be better. YEP.
The myth of enough is a gaping hole, consuming, eating away at all the good stuff and leaving behind the bones of discontent. It is the mouth with an insatiable appetite for more, More, MORE, MORE, MORE
How exhausting it is.
Matthew 19:13-26 tells a story that contrasts the children to a rich man.
Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them.
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.
Children have no achievements with which to justify themselves. Children don’t have it all “figured out” yet. They are wonderfully unformed and unfinished. They don’t know they are not perfect, because perfect is not even on their radar yet. And it is this very quality that makes them perfect.
Good and bad don’t enter their mind until society teaches them to judge and categorize and criticize. They proudly display their imperfect crayon drawings on the refrigerator, they rejoice in the imperfect cakes they bake, they don’t even notice the messes they make, they think the off-key song they sing is beautiful and the uncoordinated dance they dance is wonderful. They believe they are the most amazing person on the face of the earth and everything they create is beautiful – until someone tells them otherwise
Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, “Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?”
“Why do you ask me about what is good?” Jesus replied. “There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.”
“Which ones?” he inquired.
Jesus replied, “ ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honor your father and mother,’and ‘love your neighbor as yourself.’”
“All these I have kept,” the young man said. “What do I still lack?”
The rich man on the other hand thought he had it figured out. He knew who was “good” (Jesus) and had pretty much achieved perfection as his religion defined it. He had obeyed all the commandments.
Jesus confronted his idea of goodness and perfection:
GOODNESS
“Why do you ask me about what is good?” Well, because you’re JESUS. I mean if we can’t ask Jesus about what is good, then what hope is there? How can we know what is good and what isn’t if we can’t ask Jesus himself!!!
“There is only one who is good” Jesus seems to be saying here – look, don’t be fooled, there is nothing you can do to achieve goodness. No special knowledge I can give you that will help you to figure it all out. Goodness isn’t the goal.
Then Jesus says, “If you want to enter LIFE, obey the commandments”.
Notice he does NOT say, “if you want to be GOOD, obey the commandments. “
Moral and religious perfection, even if it could be achieved (which it cannot), does not make us GOOD. It can help us to enter a way of life that is life-giving rather than destructive. It cannot make us good.
PERFECTION
“Jesus answered, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.””
Jesus is showing here that perfection cannot be attained. No matter how much we do – even if we do everything we think God has asked of us, we can always do more. It’s never enough. The richer we are – the more we have and the more we have it figured out – the harder it becomes.
“Who then can be saved?”
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
I always read this wrong. At first, I thought it was telling me that God would miraculously give me the strength to achieve goodness and perfection, then I thought it meant that I was part of a special forgiven group that were made good and perfect through God's forgiveness. But now I believe that what it means is that God’s way out of this trap is Grace. Not forgiveness, but Grace - we usually think the two are synonymous. I'm talking about a grace that says no one is good and there is nothing you have to do. Perfection isn’t attainable. I'm talking about a grace that says we are already OK. Already perfect in our imperfection.
In the Garden of Eden story the serpent comes to the woman and tells her that she is not good enough, not yet perfect. She needs this special knowledge of good and evil and if she gets it she will be better than she is now. She will be “like God” – perfect. If only she could know what was good/what was evil/who was good/who was evil, perfection would be attainable!!!
She falls for it.
We all fall for it.
We fall from grace.
Grace is the state under which no one is good but God, and there is nothing you have to do. Perfection isn’t even on the radar.
Peter Rollins in “A Satanic Community”, calls any community that tells us we have to be something else or get somewhere else is a satanic community and is in league with “the devil.” Not satanic as in a literal dude with horns and a pitchfork. Not satanic as in a literal snake in a tree. Not satanic in any literal “being” sense. But satanic in the sense that it is a voice of deception that leads you to a place of self-destructiveness and other-destructiveness. Satanic in the sense that it leads you away from life and creativity.
Wow. Think about church and what you’ve been told in church!
The spiritual task is to exorcise this voice and the technology we use to exercise this voice is Grace. Grace is the idea that you’re accepted as-is. To experience Grace is to experience the idea that you are accepted for who you are and to accept this acceptance. It isn’t about saying we will give you a second chance to get to your ideal. It’s about saying there is no ideal you need to get to – you’re fine the way you are. Or rather, you’re not fine the way you are and that’s OK.
Ironically, it’s actually the experience of not having to strive for some ideal that helps transformation take place. It’s like quicksand, the more me move and the more we strive, the deeper we sink. It’s only when we stop that we stop sinking. It’s THEN that transformation happens.
In the state of grace, the motto changes from
“no matter how good a thing is, it can always be better”
to
“don’t try to move from grace in order to perfect yourself”
Under Grace we are already OK.
Perfect in our imperfection.
No improvement required.
As –is
Enough.
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