He thought this particular story was funny, I did not
In my blog post “Mottoes – Part 2 – The Cow”, I talked about the motto “no one will buy the cow if the milk is for free” and just how toxic that saying really is. This was even more in my thoughts because of an encounter I had in a recent conversation with my uncle. This encounter, which I will discuss below, got me thinking about the power of words when it comes to women, our roles, our equality, our respect. I was reflecting on how so many things are said to women and about women that would never be said to or about men.
So this next series is about mottoes that are given only to women, sayings only about women, and advice given to men and women about women. There is so much that is said to women and about women that is supposed to contain some kind of wisdom, that instead fosters dysfunction in relationships, contributes to rape culture, demeans men and women alike and is just generally shitty advice. Hopefully, these posts will make you angry, and sad, and make you think about the power of words.
I put out a Facebook post today in a group I’m a part of asking women what mottoes they’ve been given about women or womanhood that were supposed to be sage advice, but were just toxic. The response was overwhelming. We have some things to get off our chests!
Sometimes in this series, I will take the motto, and flip it to the masculine, just to show how awful or ridiculous these sayings are. I stole this device from a brilliant twitter feed that I love; @themanwhohasitall. The feed is at once comical and horrifying – I highly recommend it.
I mentioned above that this series arose from a conversation I had with my uncle. I’ll tell that story here - prepare to feel outraged.
My uncle is in his late 70’s. He is what is often affectionately referred to as “a character”, and looks a little like the guy in the picture above. He likes to tell stories and often his stories are funny and fun to listen to, but this was not one of those times.
Well, HE thought this particular story was funny, I did not.
He was telling us a story about his cousin, who is an odd guy, and how he was a late bloomer where girls were concerned. In telling about how his cousin “discovered girls” in college, my uncle stated, “he finally figured out what girls were for…”
I wish I could say I came back at him with a sharp and scathing reply. I didn’t. I can never seem to think on my feet in moments like this. One hour later, I thought of many sarcastic and biting things I wish I had interjected:
“OH! Is THAT what girls are for??!!”
“What? What do you mean? What are girls for?”
“Oh! I didn’t know that’s what girls were for! Is that what your daughters are for?!”
“Did you really just say, ‘he figured out what girls were for?’….”
… and so on.
My husband who also sat there dumbstruck by the comment said later, “you should have seen the look on your face!” He also said he wished he had thought to say, “Hey Heather, did you know that’s what girls are for!?”
It was a missed opportunity for both of us. Maybe next time…..
It made me think about all the times when women are harassed, exploited, assaulted and demeaned. So often, people ask, “why didn’t she speak up?”, or like my post in #me too – part 1, “why didn’t she just tell him to fuck off?” Sometimes you’re just so dumbstruck, so punched-in-the-gut, so taken off guard, that you can’t think of anything to say, so you just stand there silent and angry. And later, you’re angry at yourself for just standing there.
Taking it.
To comment, click on the title of this post “Girl Talk - Part 1 - Uncle Talk”