What if you're big enough to fight off the ass-grabber?
Stan is a middle aged guy who grew up in the days when high school hallways and high school dances were filled with guys grabbing and pinching girl's asses. I grew up in those days too. We didn't know any better and thought that to be objectified and assaulted was a compliment and was normal. In those days an ass-grab was a badge of honor. It meant a guy liked you. Kind of like when, in kindergarten, a boy who liked you hit you and ran away.
Stan had this to say, "I think this whole thing has just gone too far. I mean, I agree that a guy taking his dick out, or raping a girl is definitely sexual assault, but a lot of the stuff women are getting upset about is not sexual assault. I mean, if a guy grabs a woman’s ass, it used to be OK. It used to be a compliment. I get that the rules have changed and now it's considered rude, but it’s not sexual assault."
I asked Stan, "So, if a grown man pinched your eight year old daughter’s ass, is it sexual assault?"
"Not the same thing!" Stan objected
But I asked Stan, why it's different - just because one is an adult and one is a child. Does it change the nature of the behavior?
Stan argued that yes, it WAS different. It was different because a child cannot defend themselves. Children are vulnerable and defenseless, whereas a woman can fight back, which made his viewpoint much like Jim's in #metoo part 1. He was saying that the woman did not have to consent prior to the ass-grabbing, so long as she was able to fend off the ass-grabber after the fact. In other words, a child is too defenseless and vulnerable to consent and an adult woman need not consent because she is not defenseless.
I asked Stan, " so, if the kid is the same size and strength as the adult and can hold their own with the adult, then it’s OK for the adult to grab the kid’s ass? It’s a matter of being an equal physical match up? It’s a matter of being able to defend themselves adequately?"
I also asked Stan "if a guy who was your same size, who you could have a fair-fight with, grabs your ass, is that OK with you?"
It was interesting to me that Stan was quite clear that ass-grabbing is off-limits with children and among men, regardless of size or strength .....but not with women.
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