"We expect and demand that women be patient, nurturing, forgiving, healing, self-effacing and self-sacrificing. Women are expected to be nonviolent in a violent male society"
In Richard Rohr’s book “Simplicity” he writes:
“In the patriarchal view (1) all relationships are eventually defined in terms of superiority and inferiority, and (2) the all-important need for order and control is assured by the exercise of dominative power…..(this) has served to dehumanize and therefore despiritualize generations of races, nations, professions, women, sexual minorities, handicapped people, the weak and the elderly whom the powerful are able to disparage culturally and dismiss as being of no account. Not only are the rich and powerful able to project their own darkness onto such groups, but the group normally accept that darkness as their true value. “
Historically, in many ways, women have been blamed for and have often accepted the responsibility for sexual dominance, control and abuse at the hands of men.
- At a party recently, my friend was kissed without her consent by a man who was not her husband "because she was so beautiful"
- As a teen, I was given the advice that if a woman never said no to her husband, he would never have a reason to "look elsewhere".
- My daughters were cautioned as teens to dress only in certain ways or they might cause boys to "stumble" and lust.
- When the news was full of stories of sexual harassment recently, my 84 year old mom recently responded with “after all …. the way women dress these days”
- In a ladies Bible study 15 years ago, the woman who produced the video series said that she got up every morning and put on make-up and rolled her hair before her husband left for work. She did this so the last image he had of her as he left the house was one of beauty. In this way, he would not be tempted by other women as he went through his day.
- In my first marriage, my husband told me he couldn't slow down sexually for me because I drove him "out of control".
- When someone close to me was raped years ago, I was counseled by her therapist to not encourage her to press charges because the court process would be more of a rape than the rape itself.
More from Rohr:
“without success (by his own definition) and control, the patriarch does not know who he is….such a life would not be worth living. The language of patriarchy is always a noble or macho language of patriotism and freedom. Men and their female echoes are always speaking it”
“Jesus would never have broken through (patriarchy)…if he had acted non-violently in a feminine body. ..because we expect and demand that women be patient, nurturing, forgiving, healing, self-effacing and self-sacrificing. Women are expected to be nonviolent in a violent male society… but we are still not prepared for males or institutions or nations to act nonviolently. That is why god had to become incarnate for us in the body of a man. “
If men can blame women for and project their sexual impulses upon women, and women accept this blame/projection , then men need never come to terms with their sexual impulses and desires.
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