"But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice'"
When I first latched onto this as my favorite verse, it was because Jesus starts the sentence by saying “but go and learn what this means.” This implies that we don’t know, and we won’t know, and that we will have to spend some time figuring it out. I like a good challenge.
And I've found that it's the truth. I don't know and I’m still trying to figure it out.
Amongst followers of Jesus, and socially conscious persons, and in-general-do-gooder-types, there is this pervasive sense that if we are not sacrificing, we are failing in some fundamental way. For the Jesus-types, we are not “picking up our cross daily”. For the others we are not practicing a high enough level of social consciousness and should be sacrificing more for the cause.
But maybe we've got that all wrong.
We must have made it into something it's not because Jesus is saying he does NOT desire sacrifice. Therefore:
Sacrifice is NOT what “picking up your cross” means.
Sacrifice is NOT what following Jesus means.
Then what IS IT?
Mercy
Sacrifice is hard sometimes, but it’s not nearly as hard as mercy. I can make a sacrifice even when my heart’s not in it and I don’t want to. I can make a sacrifice simply out of obligation or guilt or legalism. I can make a sacrifice through gritted teeth and clenched fists. I can make a sacrifice for recognition, or glory or honor.
But mercy. Mercy cuts through a lot of bullshit. Try summoning up mercy by sheer willpower, through a clenched fist or gritted teeth, or simply because it’s the “right” thing to do.
Your heart has to actually be in mercy.
You kind of have to work through stuff in your own heart to get to mercy.
To live mercy, you have to know what you feel, what you’re angry about, and what you want.
When I was 28 a therapist told me to spend two weeks doing nothing out of obligation, but doing only those things I WANTED to do. Everyone should do this exercise -maybe periodically throughout their lives. It sounds selfish, but it was transformational. (Keep in mind this happened to me 25 years ago, so I'm not kidding when I said that I'm still trying to figure out mercy not sacrifice).
At first this "do what you want" thing is just a free-for-all in self-indulgence and it’s kind of fun when you have been given permission by a mental health professional.
After a time, you begin to realize that many of the things you are not doing because you thought you didn’t like doing them, you actually WANT to do after all. You also realize many things you were fantasizing about doing, you actually don’t want to do.
In a nutshell, by practicing a time of grace, you learn your truth in ways that you will never learn it when obligation and legalism are in play.
You can even just play the game in your head. In some ways it’s what we are doing when we think about what we’d do if we won the lottery. We are playing a thought experiment with Grace. If there were no financial limitations to my life – who would I be? What would my values be? It’s a great exercise in self-awareness.
Let yourself play out grace fantasies and see what you learn. Go shopping and tell yourself you have all the money in the world and can buy anything you want. What do you observe about what you really want if all limitations are removed? Imagine yourself just walking away from the situation that you feel trapped in right now. What do you observe about that feeling of leaving it? Imagine getting the thing you fantasize about -the house, the car, the girl, the guy, the sex, the food, the body, the vacation, the alcohol, the drugs, whatever; play the fantasy out all the way. Is it what you really want?
Grace uncovers truth.
Truth is the only way we can get to mercy.
Obligation and sacrifice can blind us so that we don’t know what we feel, what we want, or who we are. We can only see what “should” be done, or what “must” be done. We can only see the sacrifice that is needed.
We can give to someone that we hate, that we are angry with, or that we feel nothing for and still feel good about ourselves.
“Therefore if you are offering your gift and remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them, then come and offer your gift.”
First mercy.
Then sacrifice.
A friend of mine recently left a situation where she was ministering to people in the inner city. She felt bad about “abandoning” those people who needed her.
But, perhaps when we give to people out of a sense of sacrifice and obligation – perhaps this is when we have truly abandoned them. The connection and intimacy is gone. They are reduced to objects and recipients.
You know how it feels when you are the recipient of someone's sacrifice? They roll their eyes, or sigh heavily? You want to just shout out, “forget it!! I’ll do it myself!! Don’t put yourself out!!!”
You know how it feels with that person who is always giving, giving, giving and loves being the martyr?
You know how it feels in bed, when sex is given out of obligation?
You feel empty.
Disconnected
Objectified.
Abandoned.
Abandoned by the passions of the giver.
Maybe this is why children stay away from the put-upon parent. Maybe this is why couples stop working as a team because it’s just not worth having to ask and getting the feeling you are asking too much. Maybe that is why long-term marriages grow cold. Not because they are bored with each other and need more adventure and playfulness in the bedroom, but because they have adopted the idea that because they are married, sexuality is an obligation rather than a gift.
Sacrifice instead of mercy.
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