Grace is not in the business of making us feel better.
Capitalism, like many aspects of cultures and societies is built on a narrative. The narrative is that if we just get this or that thing, achievement, experience, we will feel better. Happier. Safer.
For some, it’s material: If I just get the house, the car, the status symbol purse, the right size diamond, I will feel I’ve arrived.
For some it’s relational: If I just get married, have kids, have sex with that hottie I will feel lovable.
For some it’s achievement: If I get the job, get the degree, make the money, nail the performance, lose the weight, ace the quarterly evaluation, I will feel better about myself.
You get my point. It’s a goal, or a thing out there we don’t have, that we feel in some way, if we get it, our lives will be better.
To be sure, having a secure income IS better than living in poverty and having a place to live IS better than being homeless, but the narrative that capitalism depends upon is that once you get the basic necessities you need, more will always be better. If having a place to live is good, then having an even nicer place to live will be even better.
It depends on there being no satisfaction, no endpoint. It depends on us never giving up on the belief in the narrative that more of “X” equals more feeling better.
The fly in the ointment is that as we participate in this game, we find that the narrative isn’t true. We get the thing and we don’t feel better. Not really. We are still anxious and lonely. We still feel inadequate and full of doubt. We don’t feel safe. We wonder if we belong or if we measure up.
Capitalism depends upon us never identifying that the narrative that getting “X” will make us feel better is, in fact, a lie. If we admitted this lie to ourselves, we would stop consuming as much. We would keep the same house, car, couch, purse, clothing as long as they were functional and would not be compelled to upgrade.
So, our society works very hard to keep the lie hidden and to find someone or something else to blame. Maybe it’s the immigrants, maybe it’s the Trumpers, maybe it’s the Supreme Court, or the President, or religion, or the liberals. Maybe it’s the people wearing masks, or the media, or the police.
To be sure, the things I just listed are problematic. All of them. In fact, everything in one way or another is problematic. But the thing to recognize is that they are not to blame. If we scapegoat them, it obscures real problem – the lie that underpins capitalism.
You see, if I recognize that getting, or doing, or being “X” will not make me feel better but that the way I feel – all the anxiety and inadequacy, all the loneliness and longing – is just the human condition, then I won’t see anything or anyone as the villain in my story. They/it are not the reason I feel this way. I have no need to hate them or make an enemy of them. I have no need to conquer them or change them so that I will feel better. We all feel this way. All the time.
This recognition is at the heart of grace. Grace says nothing more is needed. Grace lets things be just as they are. Grace recognizes that we are all human with all our flaws and inadequacies, all our unfulfilled longings and hopes. Grace lets all that be. Grace is not in the business of changing things. Grace is not in the business of making us feel better. And strangely, when we let go of trying to feel better….
We feel better
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