Mercy not Sacrifice - again

No matter how good a thing is, it can always be better

Why do we sacrifice?

Usually it’s to get something that we consider will fill the void and make us who we want to be.

·       We sacrifice our time to get money so that we can be secure financially

·       We sacrifice our money to buy possessions so that we can be housed, fed, clothed and maybe even show off just a little.

·       We sacrifice our time so that we can be good parents, good lovers, good friends, good moral people.

·       In religion, we sacrifice in order to be good Christians, good Jews, good Muslims, good Hindus, whatever.  We sacrifice to please god or the gods.  We sacrifice to go to heaven. 

We often think that the other guy has what we lack.  The money, the relationship, the spirituality.  We want a house like his house, we want a body like her body, we want a wife like his wife, kids like her kids.  We want to be spiritual and zen like she is.  We want to powerful like he is.  We want to be intelligent and informed like she is. 

In ancient religious rituals, the idea of sacrifice was very literal and embodied.  They took an actual goat or a sheep or even a person.  The “sins” of the people (all the ways that the people fell short, all the ways they didn’t measure up, all that they lacked) were placed upon this sacrifice and when it was gone, the lack was gone. 

Supposedly. 

This is why it’s called a “scapegoat”.  It takes the blame for everything.  So long as it can be the problem and we can get rid of it, we don’t have to actually face the lack inside ourselves and our societies.  We can absolve ourselves of it, rid ourselves of it. 

For a bit.

Until it’s time for another sacrifice. 

The scapegoat is alive and well today. Not only can we direct our feelings of lack onto another person, like the president for example; but onto whole categories of persons. If only those liberals, conservatives, whites, blacks, women, men, christians, jews, muslims, immigrants, millenials, democrats, republicans, would just CHANGE! THEN we’d have the society that we want to have!! THEY are the problem!

So we make the sacrifices to get what we want. The house, the car, the relationship, the president in office, the amendment to the constitution. And when we sacrifice and get the thing we were hoping to get by making the sacrifice, we are left with two outcomes:

1)      The realization that there is only more to be acquired, so further sacrifice is needed

or

2)      The realization that the sacrifice was complete and there is no more to be gotten.

We almost never get to #2.  In fact, #2 is intolerable for most.   If we ever reach it, we have to face the lack that we feel with nothing left to do about it.   

• We have climbed to the top financially only to find that we still feel insecure.

• We have the spouse, the kids, the house, the car, and we still feel inadequate or lonely.

• We lose the weight and still don’t like our body.

• We do the good deeds and still don’t feel like good people.

• We give the sacrifices for god and still feel separated from god.

• We won the legal/political battle and the world is still a shit show

And if we have truly given all there is to give, we are left sitting with our lack with nowhere to go.

Most of us, at this point create another thing to strive after.  Another thing to obtain or attain in order to satisfy this lack.  After all, who has ever truly given ALL there is to give?   In capitalism it is ever increasing wealth with no stopping place.  In Christianity, it is spiritual perfection – becoming “like god”.  With our bodies, it is continued dieting, exercise, enhancement, surgeries. 

No matter how good a thing is, it can always be better

There is a parable told by a philosopher:

There is a man looking for a treasure in a field.  He keeps turning over rocks in that field in the hopes of finding the treasure but never finds it.  Rather than let go of the notion that there is a treasure, the man will find a rock so large that it cannot be turned over, just so he can maintain his idea that the treasure exists. 

But Grace.

Grace is a concept that confronts this cycle we get ourselves into.

Grace says that NOTHING more is needed. 

Grace says no sacrifice is needed.

None. 

Grace says – there’s no special thing to be obtained that will make it all OK.

Grace says your neighbor doesn’t have the special thing either.

Grace says there’s no scapegoat to blame for not having it because there’s nothing to be had.

And then…  only then….  When we’ve admitted that the “other” does not have the secret, special thing… can we love the other. 

As long as I believe that there is more that is needed and that you have more of the special thing than I have:  more zen, more money, more love, more peace, more knowledge, more power. I cannot love you. Not really. As long as I believe that you are the reason why I can’t get what I want, personally, politically, societally, I can’t love you. Not really. As long as I am in a position of sacrificing to know the secret that you seem to have and I don’t. I can’t love you. Not really.   

First grace

Then love.

“I desire mercy (grace) not sacrifice.  Go and learn what this means”   Jesus. 

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The place to start

It brought me back to presence.

Sometimes I just say whatever I’m thinking.  I don’t consider how it might be perceived or how it might make another person feel. 

I just say it.

Sometimes I say it too loud.

Sometimes I say too much.

Sometimes I give my opinion when no one asked for it. A lot of times.

Sometimes I say things with a certain “tone” that I’ve been told can be intimidating or even condescending.

At the time, I don’t hear myself being loud, or intimidating.  Usually I’m just excited or passionate about an idea and am having a great time sharing it. My ego is having a great time thinking that whatever I have to say is important and interesting.

I got feedback from a friend last week that led me to feel that this quality of my communication had hurt her.  It had left her feeling that her way of seeing things was somehow less-than.     

I felt sad. 

I felt ashamed even.

I never want to hurt someone with the way I am.

I carried it around all day, thinking about how I wish I were a gentler type of person.  

A more sensitive one. 

Then

I shared it with Blake and told him how sometimes I wish I were just not so MUCH.  How I wish I didn’t overwhelm people when I express my ideas.   How I wish I were different in some way. 

And he said, “How can you be anything other than who you are?”

And that was it.

It brought me back to presence.

And acceptance. 

And grace. 

And I felt gentler already.   At least gentler with myself.  And maybe that’s the place to start.

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Womb

Waiting and resting is hard.

In the Hebrew Bible one of the words that is used for Mercy is “Rachamim,” which comes from the root word “rechem,” or womb.

I love this word connection.  The womb is a place of darkness, a place of formation, a place in which we really know nothing but are simply being held and suspended as we wait for birth. 

So many times in life, we have no idea what to do, we are in the dark, suspended, without form and void. These are times when we feel lost, helpless, and out of control.  It is often at these times that we feel compelled to cry out to god, or to something, asking for guidance, illumination or rebirth.   It’s as though god, or the universe, or whatever you call it, has opened up a space for us – a dark space to be sure – but a space all the same.  So often, it’s in these spaces that we are created.   My darkest times are the times in which the most creative things occurred for me.  They are the times in which I was reborn. 

As we wait in these dark spaces for illumination or rebirth, we are in the space, the “womb” of mercy. All we can do simply float along as we are being held and suspended -- as we wait for the birth of what’s next.  Here we are helpless, and are able to simply receive mercy because we have nothing else to bring to the situation.  We are without resources.  We are poor in spirit.  We have thrown our hands up in despair. There is nothing we can do but wait.  Waiting and resting is hard.

Blog image is: "Black Womb" by Piotr Ruszkowski. "

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The word "Sin"

This vision is about creating a new world, one where god’s “will” is done on earth as it is in heaven. 

As I’ve written before, words are problematic.  All words are metaphors for something and it’s the disconnect between your “something” and my “something” that causes the problem.   My first husband “loved” me.  He insisted upon it.  The problem was, his definition of what love was differed tremendously from mine.  So he felt unloved by me and I felt unloved by him.  All the while, we both insisted that we loved one another.  Needless to say, it didn’t work out. 

Today I used the word “sin” in a discussion at church.  Almost immediately afterward I wished I hadn’t.  I feel like the word “sin” is pretty universally used to describe actions that are categorized by one religion or another as prohibited or bad.   I don’t believe there is a list or lists somewhere of bad things we are prohibited from doing called “sins”, so I try not to use the word.  I believe that categories of “bad” and “prohibited” are done away with in the teachings of Christ and that grace makes everything permissible.  

In translating the Bible, scholars translated the word   σάρξ (sarx), which means “flesh” to “sinful nature”. 

I like “flesh” better. 

We are flesh – biological creatures and as such, we have biological instincts.  These instincts are not right or wrong per se, they are not “sin,” they are just the instincts that allowed us to survive.  They are just our flesh - our biology. We have the instinct for sex to reproduce, the instinct for competition for resources, the instinct to fight when we are threatened.  These instincts are seen in all living creatures and are part of their biology; their flesh.   The drives of the “flesh” keep us and all living things alive.  That certainly seems OK to me.  It certainly seems permissible. 

And while certainly permissible, we all know that these instincts are often not beneficial.  Competition for resources, the instinct to fight, and the sexual drive can lead to violence, exploitation, war, poverty, and so much more. 

The teachings of Christ ask us to resist our biological nature in many cases in favor of a spiritual nature that goes against the biology of survival.  Turning the other cheek, loving your enemy and allowing oneself to be crucified do not lend themselves to your immediate survival.   They do, however, lead to the evolution of the consciousness of the human race. They move the world toward love and peace, which ultimately lead to survival in an entirely different way.   They lead to a world where resources are protected, shared and nourished rather than fought over.  They lead to a world where the weak are not exploited and power is not the way to lead.  They lead to a world where violence is not met with violence. 

They lead to life that is not just survival, but is truly life and life to the full.   This vision is not about right and wrong, it’s not about sin or purity or any other religious legalism.  This vision is about creating a new world, one where god’s “will” is done on earth as it is in heaven. 

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