#Metoo - part 3

"Why don't girls just ask for help?"

I was speaking to Will.  Will is a 23 year old college student.  He's a nice looking kid, sensitive, intelligent, well spoken and artistic.    Will said,  "I don’t understand why girls don’t just ask me for help if they feel afraid.  Like if they are afraid to walk to their car at night when leaving a bar, why don’t those women just ask a guy to escort them?  I would be more than happy to make sure a girl gets to her car safely.  It makes me sad for them that they are afraid of all men.  I mean, most guys are good guys and, like me they would be happy to help out.  It upsets me to be lumped in with the creeps." 

I agreed with Will; most guys are good guys and they would be happy to help.    But I explained to Will that there’s just no way a woman can ever know who is the good guy and who is the bad guy.   I was married to a guy for almost eighteen years who I thought was one kind of guy and it turned out he was another.  Statistically, women are more likely to be assaulted by someone they know than by a stranger.  Dads assault their daughters, uncles assault their nieces, boyfriends rape their girlfriends, neighbors rape their neighbors.  I asked Will how a woman is supposed to assess which guy to ask for help?  If she can’t even trust her father, or her husband to keep her safe – then who?  

Statistically, one in five women has been the victim of attempted or completed rape in their lifetime, and nearly 1 in 2 have experienced sexual violence other than rape in their lifetime (rrsonline.org) 

Will, imagine you were up against those statistics.  Imagine you were in a bar full of men and you knew your odds were 1 in 2 for being attacked.   You know that in that bar, almost all the guys are good guys.  How do you spin those odds?  Who do you trust in that bar?   How do you choose?

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Jargon

An acquaintance of mine recently remarked on the fact that he was having difficulty approaching a conversation with some family members who were concerned about the direction his life was taking.  They were “praying for him”.   He was put off by their “Christianese” (as he called it).  To him, it didn’t feel like a comforting or caring sentiment, but more like an accusation. 

These family members may have intended their sentiment “I’ll be praying for you” to sound sweet and caring.  But it felt like an affront. It felt condescending and exclusionary. I know nothing about their intent, maybe they truly loved and cared for him, maybe they felt superior and self-righteous.  Who knows?  They obviously felt he needed praying-for, which led him to feel judged, not loved.   “I’ll be praying for you” did not express caring as they may have hoped, but rather it set up an “us” vs. “you” dynamic.

I think this was in part due to the “Christianese”. 

The jargon.

Jargon very quickly and naturally becomes a part of the persona we develop without  even thinking about it.   

Jargon does two things: 

1. It binds together.  It identifies us as a group. We all speak this way/use this lingo, therefore we are all part of this group.

2. It separates. You do not speak this way, or understand this lingo, therefore you are NOT a part of this group.

And because it serves as a means of separating groups, it becomes its own type of violence in communication – regardless of intent.

And whether we admit it or not, that subtle act of violence makes us feel good.  It contributes to a sense of belonging, special-ness, or superiority of some type.  Perhaps it means we are more spiritual, more hip, more educated, tougher, younger.   

It’s power. 

We participate in our jargon to demonstrate we are part of the "in group". And we use it to identify who is part of our group and who we can exclude as the "out group"

It’s hard not to slip into your jargon.  I kind of love it when one of my Canadian-isms slips out.  I like my Canadian past and like being identified with it.  It makes me feel unique.  I also like to use terms like “PRN” and “QD” when I’m in doctor’s offices, so they will take me more seriously.   I hate business jargon, probably because I don’t really identify with my job and don’t want to be identified as one of those “corporate types”.   But I work with many who love the corporate jargon.  They love to “drill down” and “take a deep dive”. Biologists love to drop an “aptosis” or an “eutrophication” out there.  Bible scholars love their exegesis and hermeneutics and philosophers love to discuss epistemological and ontological matters.    

Religious jargon

Teen jargon

Academic jargon

Medical jargon

Intellectual jargon

Political jargon

Liberal jargon

Conservative jargon

It builds walls.   

If words exist:

to communicate,

to bring people together,

to build bridges…

Then the goal should be to make them as relate-able as possible.

Easily understood. 

Inclusive.

 Non-violent.

Words matter.

Not only is this true for "those Christians who use that Christianese" but also for intellectuals who use their big words, for adults when they speak to kids, for biologists when they speak to non-biologists, for persons from one country when they speak to persons from another, for doctors when they speak to patients...

Word.  ;)

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