If you've read either of the previous Blog posts, you know that I was messing around with the format of my blog and accidentally deleted all the posts. I re-posted two that I had saved, but the rest were gone. There weren't that many and they weren't particularly profound, but it is not lost on me that one of them was written on January 1st, 2018 about New Year's resolutions and how I don't like them. Funny that one is gone. Freudian blog deletion?
Happy Birthday to my girl
All parents want a do-over. A million do-overs so that we can get it just right for this amazing creature that we brought into this difficult world.
This was originally posted on December 30, 2017, but I was monkeying with my blog format, and lost it. Here is the repost.
Today is my oldest daughter’s 31st birthday.
I don’t have a lot of wisdom or insight with regard to parenting. The only thing I know is that no matter how many books you read, no matter how many classes you attend, no matter how much you think you know or how much you think you don’t know what to do as a parent – you just don’t know.
That’s because you’re trying to love, protect, teach, and shape a living human being. A beautiful being who is infinite, unknowable, and ever changing. You can’t hold them in your hands, you can’t control them or even predict them. All you can do is lovingly stand there and watch them unfold. You are awestruck, terrified, amazed, entertained ….. did I say terrified? You are terrified because you know that you are unequal and inadequate to the task. You are terrified because you love this person more than life itself and you know that each breath they take, each choice they make, each choice you make that will affect them is tied to your very soul. If they break, you break. If they soar, you soar.
All parents want a do-over. A million do-overs so that we can get it just right for this amazing creature that we brought into this difficult world.
But what I would never change – is being a parent. It is the most miraculous, life changing, excruciatingly beautiful thing I’ve ever been a part of.
Happy Birthday to my girl.
Eucharist Gift
Maybe the key to not working for the devil lies within.
This post was originally posted on December 29, 2017, but I monkeyed around with my blog and lost all the posts!! So here is a re-post
Christmas is over. Whew! At our house Christmas is nuts. Not only are there five kids, but we have four birthdays and an anniversary to celebrate from December 19th through the end of the year. My daughter laughingly said she will be awarding cash incentives to any siblings who have children in a month OTHER than December. I will match her cash incentives.
In the spirit of the gift-giving bacchanalia that just occurred at my house, my inaugural post will be about the idea of a eucharist gift. I've been haunted by the idea all fall. In October, my husband and I had the privilege of attending an event put on by Peter Rollins in Belfast. (If you haven't read Pete, you should). At that event we became friends with a very special couple from London. He is a headhunter with a unique approach. He talks to people about their "theology" of work.
I am a regional manager in clinical research for big pharma. I laughingly say to people that I work for the devil, but maybe that's just not funny. Don't get me wrong, my job is a tremendous blessing. I work from home, I am paid well and I am good at what I do (or so says my manager). But it’s big pharma – and with any big corporation you feel acutely that it lacks a soul. This translates to me often feeling like I’d like to do something more meaningful; something that changes the world more.
So, when this friend asked me in Belfast what my theology of work is:
I came up empty.
I don't have one. I just do my job and get paid.
About a month ago, Rob Bell did a podcast on ambition and asked the same type of question about your “eucharist gift”. What is that thing you are doing here on this earth for which you will give your body broken and blood shed?
I came up empty.
I mean, I WILL give my body and blood for my children - no question. But beyond that, in any other arena, I just don’t have a theology of work. I just work. I do the best job I can and when the work day is over, I leave it. It is NOT my body broken and blood shed. It's just my job.
I can’t shake the question. I don’t have an answer yet. Maybe, if I don’t have a theology of work I DO work for the devil. I'm not talking about a literal devil here, but the aspect of life that is soulless and deceptive. The force in this world that is destructive and takes life rather than giving it. It’s easy to point a finger out THERE and say that big pharma, or big oil, or corporate America, or whatever machine we find ourselves a part of is the “devil” and lacks a soul. But maybe the bigger truth is that if we point in HERE – inside ourselves – and find that what we are doing; whether employment, or parenting, or marriage, or creativity – has no theology then it is without soul.
Maybe the key to not working for the devil lies within.
So I’m setting out to find the best gift of the season. My eucharist gift. My theology of work.
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