We have a new baby in the family.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a baby. But I was there for this birth, and for the first week of his life, and for most evenings for the past month and it has been beautiful.  But what has struck me is how earthy, how visceral, how sensual the experience of a baby is.  From the birth with the pain and the moaning, the tearing of flesh, the blood and the fluid and the shit.  To the immediate latching on of the baby to the breast. 

Then weeks afterward.  Weeks filled with blood and pain for the mother.  Weeks of sheer survival - trying to get enough sleep to not lose your mind entirely.  Weeks filled with the joy of milk coming into the breast and the unbelievable rush of the baby latching to the breast and eating.  The smell of the baby, the velvety feel of his head.  The warm heavy weight on you and your bodily response to it – better than any relaxation pill you every took. 

A black rotten cord that falls away, and diaper after diaper of shit. 

You rejoice at a great belch, and a great shit coming out of this soft, velvety creature. 

You are constantly analyzing whether or not he’s eating enough, pooping enough, sleeping enough,

…..the prevailing experience is animal in nature. Visceral.  Sensual. 

Smells, bodily functions, body fluids, bodily connections.  One body feeding on another. Two bodies so connected that when one cries, milk falls from the breast of the other.  One body so connected to another that even when no sleep has been had and it’s the middle of the night, love so strong reaches out to this creature that is keeping you awake and he is the most beautiful creature on earth. Nothing is more sensual than this. Nothing makes you feel more alive.

It seems to me that modern culture has sanitized life. We are clean. So clean that we don’t smell of anything human most of the time.  It’s all perfumes and body products and we are offended by human smells.  I’m the worst at this.  I hate the smell of body odors, breath, farts, urine.  But the baby...every poop, every fart, every smell of him – washed or unwashed – is amazing.  We’ve sanitized the human body visually as well.  We don’t want to see rolls of fat, or cellulite or stretch marks.  Blemishes, flaws.  We don’t want the body to be too human.  We’d rather see bodies that look perfect.  But babies … we love the rolls of fat, the “stork bite” on the back of the head, baby acne. We love bald babies and babies with hair that stands straight up.  We love wrinkles on babies.  We have no expectation that babies will look alike or fit a certain mold.   We have sanitized all aspects of life and death. Sex isn’t even sensual – it is as sanitized as the rest of it.  Bodies that look perfect and perform perfectly.  But the thing we cannot sanitize is a baby and in this way it is the most sensual creature on earth.