I have a friend with whom I share some similarities.  We are both pursuing a contemplative life.  We both love wonder and mystery.  We both love the spiritual. 

This friend and I have differences.  She is emotionally based, I am logical.  She is politically conservative.  I’m liberal. 

Labels.  Labels that could easily draw us together or move us apart. 

There have been times, when the differences came out in conversations and she felt othered by them. She has a real desire for unity.

 I would say to her that if unity is only found in similarity, it is not that valuable.  Love is only truly miraculous when it exists between people who are different and who can’t see eye to eye. 

“This is what God, the universe does. God gives the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless if they are good and bad, nice or nasty. If all you do is love the lovable, who think like you or act in ways you find acceptable or loveable, do you expect a bonus? Anybody can do that. If you simply say hello to those who greet you, or are kind to you, do you expect a medal? Any run-of-the-mill person does that.

In a word, what I’m saying is, Grow up. If you are spiritual, live like it. Live with a God-identity.  Live generously and graciously toward others, the way the ultimate reality lives toward you.” Matthew 5:46-48 (paraphrased from The Message)

It seemed to me that when I reassured her in this way, she found comfort in it.

It came up again recently in a conversation we had.  This unity in the midst of diversity. 

She grew up on a farm and we spoke of monocultures in nature.  How a monoculture will necessarily require all kinds of poisons and toxins to stay alive and ultimately will deplete the soil.  Sameness leads to death.  Diversity leads to life. 

Then, almost in the next breath, our conversation took a turn that challenged me.

She told me about an organization she is getting involved in.  I went home and read about how it was shot through with conspiracy theories and was pro-Trump.  I noticed that what rose up in me was rejection…and questions.   How could she be authentically spiritual and be involved in such a thing?  I was face to face with a contradiction.   I know she is a loving and caring person.  I know she is deeply spiritual and her spiritual pursuits are genuine.  How could both co-exist? How could I reconcile my feelings about it?

I was reminded that all of reality is a contradiction.  Contradiction is at the very core of reality.  Or, to put it another way, at the core of God.  Perhaps this is one of the revelations in the crucifixion when Christ cries out, “my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?” 

This line from the crucifixion is, in some ways nonsense.  How could god forsake himself?

How could god cease to be at one with himself? 

Oh sure, atonement theologies have attempted to explain this by saying that God is light and in him is no darkness, so when Jesus took on the sins of the world, god had to turn away.  But honestly, this kind of theology breaks down under any type of real scrutiny.  If god is all powerful, god could, in fact do anything god wants.  God could forgive without sacrifice.  God could look upon sin without being defiled. God could have done the whole atonement thing any way god so chose. 

And so, my conclusion has been that the crucifixion is not an event that led to forgiveness, but is a revelation of the very nature of reality itself.  And if you want to give a name to reality – a revelation of god. 

You see, the contradiction is internal.  Not between things, but within things.  All things.  All reality. Physicists will tell you this.  Mathematicians.  Biologists.   But theology has not embraced the contradiction.

Religion has told us that the problem is that we are separate from God.  How could this be? If god is infinite, there is no place where god is not. If god is through all things and in all things and in god all things are held together (Colossians 1:17), then there is no way to be separate from god.

If this is true, then it brings up all questions about evil and suffering.

But reality reveals to us that within all things there is contradiction. Yes and no, here and there, light and darkness, existence and non-existence all exist simultaneously in all things.

This is god.

Forsaking god’s self.

So, the problem with separation is not so much between things as within things. It is not really about the fact that things have forsaken one another, but in fact, that they have forsaken themselves.

Your very body is killing itself every second, all the time.

Creation is doing the same.

Particles are both here and there at the same time. Both one thing and another. Always forsaking the very definition of their existence and what they even are.

So, you see, I am not separate from god, or from reality.  I am separate from myself.  Inside me is a not-at-oneness that I cannot reconcile.  So, I try to project it outward.  If I project it on god, it can’t be his fault, so I must conclude that I am the problem.  If I project it onto others, it’s easier:  THEY are the problem. 

But the revelation is that God (or ultimate reality) contains the separation within god’s self. 

Nothing is at one with itself.  And this is OK.  This is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be seen and accepted. 

And so, with this friend… the separation is not so much that her ideology is different than mine (and to be honest, offensive to my sensibilities), but is about the contradiction I feel within myself when confronted with it.  The fact that I feel the need to be the same in order to feel love and unity, rather than being able to love in the midst of difference.  

This is the message of grace.  To accept and love oneself, one’s neighbor, one’s enemy BEFORE they change.  BEFORE there is unity.  It seems to me that this is the only way to peace.  Peace in the midst of differences and contradiction.  Not peace through unity.